Inside human brain: Birth Order

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Does birth order have aneffect on personality? Does being first born make people more responsible? If someone is the middle born child, are they going to be more rebellious? If people are last born are they more likely to be on television? Are firstborn children inconsiderate and selfish or reliable and highly motivated?These, and many other questions are being thoroughly studied by psychologists(Harrigan, 1992). In 1923, the renowned psychiatrist Dr. Alfred Adler, wrotethat a person's position in the family leaves an undeniable "stamp" on hisor her "style of life" (Marzollo, 1990). Research has shown that birth orderdoes indeed affect a child; however, it does not automatically shape personality. If it did, life would be much more predictable and a great deal less interesting (Marzollo, 1990). Yogi Bera, a famous baseball player, said "Every now andthen a reporter who thinks he is Freud asks me if being the youngest is whyI made it (playing professional baseball). I almost always say yes, butI don't think it had anything to do with it" (Harrigan, 1992). Birth orderdoesn't explain everything about human behavior. Personality is affected bymany different factors, such as heredity, family size, the spacing and sexof siblings, education, and upbringing. However, there is an awful lot ofresearch and plain old "law of averages" supporting the affect of birth orderon personality (Leman, 1985). There are four basic classifications of birthorder: the oldest, the only, the middle, and the youngest. Each has its ownset of advantages, as well as its own set of disadvantages. While the birthorder factor isn't always exact, it does give many clues about why people arethe way they are (Leman, 1985).If there is one word that describes firstborn children it would be "perfectionist" (Harrigan, 1992). First born childrentend to be high achievers in whatever they do. Some traits customarily usedto label first born children include reliable, conscientious, list maker, wellorganized, critical, serious, scholarly (Leman, 1985), self-assured, good leadershipability, eager to please, and nurturing (Brazelton, 1994). Also, first bornchildren seem to have a heightened sense of right and wrong. It is commonin most books about birth order that first born children get more press thanonly, middle, and youngest children. This can be explained by the fact thatthe first born child is typically the success story in the family. They arethe ones that are extremely driven to succeed in "high achievement" fieldssuch as science, medicine, or law (Leman, 1985). For example, of the firsttwenty-three astronauts sent into outer space, twenty-one were first born ortheir close cousin, the only child, which we will discuss later on. In fact,all seven astronauts in the original Mercury program were first born children(Leman, 1985). Also, first born children tend to choose careers that involveleadership. For example, fifty-two percent of all U.S. presidents were first-borns(Lanning, 1991). Researchers say that, in general, first born children tendto have higher IQs than younger siblings. This is not because they start offmore intelligent, but because of the amount of attention new parents give totheir first child (Marzollo, 1990). Experts claim that a first born's willto succeed begins in infancy (Lanning, 1991). The extraordinary love affairthat many new parents have with their first child leads to the kind of intensitythat can probably never be repeated with a younger child. In the first fewweeks, a new parent imitates the baby's gestures in a playful game. A rhythmis established by mimicry of vocalizations, motions, and smiles. Think whatthis cycle of action-reaction might mean to an infant: "I'm pretty powerful,aren't I? Everything I do is copied by someone who cares about me ." Aftera couple of weeks of game playing the infant develops a sense of "I recognizeyou!" (Brazelton, 1994). This special parent-child interaction helps to instilla deep sense of self-worth in first born children. In short, the parents puttheir first born child on a pedestal or throne. Also, new parents are convincedthat their child is the cleverest child in the world when he or she rolls overor says "Mama" or "Dada" (Jabs, 1987). Even though the child is a baby itcan still sense the profound sense of enthusiasm. So, first borns want tomaintain their parents' attention and approval (Lanning, 1991). This is whenthe arrival of a second child is often a crisis for the first child. Theyare knocked off their pedestal by the baby (Leman, 1989). They are no longerthe center of mom and dad's attention. This often causes them to become resentfultoward their younger sibling.To reclaim the position at the center of theirparents' attention, he or she will try imitating the baby. When the firstchild realizes that his or her parents frown upon a two-year-old who wantsa bottle or a three-year-old who needs a diaper, he or she decides to aidhis or her parents in caring for the younger child (Jabs, 1987). Parents usuallytend to reinforce the older child's decision to be more adult by expectinghim or her to set a good example for the younger child. These experienceshelp to make the first born a natural leader. However, first borns are sometimesso preoccupied with being good and doing things right that they forget howto enjoy life and be a kid (Jabs, 1987). Along with being the first childcomes pressure. Each achievement becomes a miracle in a new parent's eyes. However, when a mistake occurs it is viewed as an enormous failure in thechild's eyes because their parents weren't ecstatic, and so the child goesto enormous lengths to make his or her parents happy with their performance. Some parents may also burden the child with their own unfulfilled dreams andwith setting the standard for the younger children (Brazelton, 1994). NorvalD. Glenn, Ph. D., professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin,explains that firstborns often suffer from pseudomaturity. They may act grown-upthroughout childhood, but because their role models are grown-ups rather thanolder siblings, they may tend to reject the role of leader in early adulthood(Marzollo, 1990). Also, a firstborn is not always "the most gracious receiverof criticism". An adult's constant criticism of his or her performance maycause the child to become a worried perfectionist. They may come to fearmaking mistakes before eyes that he or she feels are always watching them. First born children may also come to hate any kind of criticism because itemphasizes the faults that he or she is trying to overcome (Marzollo, 1990). The first born child does not have unlimited time to view himself as thechild in the relationship with parents. When a sibling arrives, he or shetends to eliminate the view of himself or herself as a child and he or shestruggles to be "parental" (Forer, 1969). In short, the first born child willdo anything to make everything perfect.In addition to the labels mentionedbefore, first born children also tend to be goal-oriented, self-sacrificing,people-pleasers, conservative, supporters of law and order, believer in authorityand ritual, legalistic, loyal, and self-reliant. They are often achievers,the ones who are driven toward success and stardom in their given fields (Leman,1985). First born children can be found in great numbers in positions likeaccountants, bookkeepers, executive secretaries, engineers, and, in recentyears, people whose jobs involve computers. First borns typically choose acareer that involves precision and requires a strong power of concentration(Leman, 1985). Some first borns that have gone on to become famous leaders,actors, scientists, novelists, astronauts, etc. include Mikhail Gorbachev (Russianleader), Jimmy Carter (president), Henry Kissinger (diplomat), Albert Einstein(scientist), Sally Ride (astronaut), Bill Cosby (actor), John Glenn (astronaut,senator), Steven Spielberg (producer), Joan Collins (actress), Clint Eastwood(actor), Peter Jennings (TV journalist), and Bruce Springsteen (singer) (Jabs,1987; Lanning, 1991; Marzollo, 1990).In many ways, the only child is likethe first born child. An only child is a first born child who never loseshis or her parents' undivided attention. He or she benefits greatly from hisor her parents' enthusiastic attention, as long as it isn't too critical.The only child also tends to have the first child's heightened sense of rightand wrong (Jabs, 1987). Leman's "perfect" description of the "Lonely Only"include all the labels that were included with the first born child. However,preceding each word would be the prefix super (Leman, 1985). Where the firstborn child is organized, the only child is superorganized. Where the firstborn child is a perfectionist, the only child is a superperfectionist. Labelsthat are often applied to only children include spoiled, selfish, lazy, anda bit conceited. These labels tend to be applied because only children don'thave to share with other siblings like the first, middle, or youngest children. Dr. Alfred Adler, a famous psychologist, said that "TheOnly Child has difficultieswith every independent activity and sooner or later they become useless inlife." However, most birth order experts, as well as myself, being an onlychild, disagree with Dr. Adler and the labels given to an only child. (Leman,1989). Far from being people who are used to having things handed to themall their lives, only children are among the top achievers in every area ofprofession. For example some of the more famous only children include FranklinD. Roosevelt (president), Leonardo da Vinci (artist), Charles Lindbergh (pilot),Ted Koppel (TV journalist), Brooke Shields (model, actress), Nancy Reagan (first-lady),Frank Sinatra (singer), Danielle Steel (novelist), and John Updike (novelist)(Jabs, 1987; Leman, 1989).A problem that only children tend to have is wheneager parents interfere with their child's development. For example, newparents tend to jump in too early to help the child with everything he or shetries. They can't sit back and let the child struggle. What they don't realizeis that frustration is a powerful learning tool. When a child fights to mastera task and succeeds on his or her own, their face lights up with pride. "Idid it myself." If a parent tends to jump in to help at every little problem,then the child could lose his or her will to try to do things by their self.Onlychildren seem to be very on top of things, articulate, and mature. They appearto have it all together. Yet, often there is an internal struggle going on. Their standards have always been set by adults and are often high, sometimestoo high. Only children regularly have a hard time enjoying their achievements. They feel as if they can never do anything good enough. Even if they succeed,they often feel as though they didn't succeed by enough. This is usually thestart of what experts call the "discouraged perfectionist" (Leman, 1985).Also, many other special problems may develop with only children. These problemsare often classified as only children, who are "problem children." For example,the "special jewel" or "receiver" child often has a problem with the heliocentrictheory that states that our solar system revolves around the sun. The specialjewel or receiver child believes that the entire universe revolves around himor her. This type of child generally develops when the parents give in totheir child's every wish. It is important for this child's parents to sayno. If the child says, "Mom, I want that !", her mother should respond bysaying, "No, I will not buy that for you, but you may purchase it with moneyyou have earned yourself." Once these children realize that they are dealingwith someone who won't cave in to their every demand they become quite pleasant(Leman, 1989). Another "problem child" is the "friend-snatcher". The childwho never learns to share his or her toys, will also have a problem with sharingfriends as well. They become agitated when their friend tries to include otherpeople into the pair's activities. They may try to bribe their "friend" byoffering them toys, food, and maybe even money. For this problem, expertssuggest confronting the child by proposing, that mabye, the reason he or sheis not having very good relationships with his or her friends is because heor she is not willing to share friends with anyone. Suggest that they needto try doing activities with more than two people and that they need to stopbeing so posessive (Leman, 1989). Next is the "target" child. This childalso has a problem with the heliocentric theory. This child magnifies hisor her importance in every situation and beleives he or she is the one beingsingled out for unfair treatment. When life is unfair, as it often is, hecan sink into deep depression and bitterness. For example, if a teacher givesthem an "F" on a world history test, it's because the teacher doesn't likethem and not because they didn't do a good job (Leman, 1989). These are oftenproblems of an only children who has been sheltered from society by their overprotectiveparents. Those who are well adjusted know from an early age that life is amixture of good and bad (Leman, 1989).Middle children are the hardest toclassify because they are so dependant different variables, including the personalitiesof their older and younger siblings and the number of years between them (Marzollo,1990). "What happens to middle children depends on the total family dynamics,"says Dr. Jeannie Kidwell, family therapist and research scholar (Jabs, 1987). Middle children can be shy or outgoing, reckless or responsible, uptight orlaid back (Lanning, 1991). Any number of life-styles can appear, but theyall play off the first born (Leman, 1985). He or she may try to imitate thefirst-born's behavior. If they feel that they can't match up, they may gooff in another direction, looking for their identity, often in the exact oppositeof that taken by his or her older sibling. The general conclusion of all researchstudies done on birth order is that second borns will probably be somewhatthe opposite of first born children (Leman, 1985). In general, middle bornchildren suffer from an identity crisis. They are always striving to bedifferent from their older and younger siblings. Middle children feel thatthey are born too late to get the privileges and special treatment that firstbornsseem to inherit by right and born too early to enjoy the relaxing of the disciplinaryreins, which is sometimes translated as "getting away with murder" (Marzollo,1990). Neither the achiever nor the baby, the middle child may feel that heor she has no particular role in the family. They may look outside the familyto define themselves. This is why friends become very important to middlechildren (Marzollo, 1990).Middle children search to find their own identityand define their personality. Because middle children have to fight for theirparents' attention, they become highly competitive. This generally makes middlechildren more successful in sports. Lacking the benefit of the exceptionsparents make for their first borns and last borns, middle children may learnto negotiate, to compromise, and to give and take, valuable skills that willhelp them succeed (Marzollo, 1990). They can become effective managers andleaders because they are good listeners and can cope with varying points ofview. Also, experts have found that because middle children have had to strugglefor more things than their siblings they are better prepared for real life. One big plus for middle children is a well developed sense of empathy becausethey know what it's like to be younger and older. However, all the competingand negotiating may cause middle children to have an overall low self esteemand a self-deprecating attitude (Marzollo, 1990).Nevertheless, middle childrenhave many advantages. They can learn from the older sibling but can also regressto be like the younger one, doubling their learning opportunities. Yet, theymay also have many mood swings between grown-up and baby-like behavior, especiallyduring the teen age years (Brazelton, 1994). Leman (1989) says to "Remember,the average teenager has only two emotional outbursts per year. The problemis they last about six months each."Because slightly more than one thirdof American families today have only two children, many parents find themselvesthinking in terms of the first born and second born. Middle and second bornchildren share many of the same characteristics. Like the middle child, thesecond-born is likely to search for ways to be different from the first-bornchild (Marzollo, 1990). Dr. Kidwell says, "Problems arise when a family hasvery rigid expectations." If the only thing that matters is straight A's andthe first kid is doing that, the middle kid has a profound dilemma. He orshe needs something else to be known for (Jabs, 1987, p.29). Some famous middleand second children who have found their own identity include Bea Arthur (actress),Glenn Close (actress), Matt Dillon (actor), Linda Evans (actress), JessicaLange (actress), Cyndi Lauper (singer), Tom Selleck (actor), Mary Decker Slaney(runner), Richard Nixon (president), Princess Diana (British royalty), GeorgeBurns (comedian), Bob Hope (comedian) (Jabs, 1987; Marzollo, 1990).Ifa group of psychologists randomly picked out ten youngest born children, chancesare that nine of them would have these characteristics: manipulative, charming,blames others, shows off, people person, good salesperson, precocious, engaging,and sometimes spoiled (Leman, 1985). By the time the youngest child is born,his or her parents have become veterans in the field of child care (Lanning,1991). They are more experienced and confident in their parenting practices,and so they often decide to let the last born enjoy childhood as long as theycan (Marzollo, 1990). This is why youngest children tend to be more pamperedthan older siblings. The youngest or "baby" of the family is often given anextra dose of affection and attention, as well as an occasional exception fromthe rules (Marzollo, 1990). This extremely positive upbringing helps to contributeto the youngest child's fun-loving, affectionate, and persuasive behavior (Marzollo,1990). The youngest child can grow up to feel the most treasured, and themost nurtured of all (Brazelton, 1994). Also, without the pressure of a youngersibling gaining from behind, the youngest may grow up easy going and carefree (Jabs, 1987). However, life isn't all fun and games for the family baby. The endless praise of last born children may leave them feeling that theirfamilies do not take them seriously (Marzollo, 1990). For instance, a commonyoungest child remark would be, "If I get upset or try to state my opinion,nobody takes me seriously. To them, I'm the baby. They think I don't knowa whole lot," (Lanning, 1991). Youngest children often have feelings of insecurityor long periods of self-doubt (Lanning, 1991). For example, a youngest childgrows up being coddled one minute as a darling little baby, but the next minuteshe's compared unfavorably with an older sibling. He or she is often unfairlycompared with older and stronger siblings. According to Beverly Hills-basedpsychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M.D., the self-image of the youngest child maybecome confused (Lanning, 1991). As a result of conflicting experiences,youngest children can be extremely self-confident in someways and insecurein others (Leman, 1985). For the most part, youngest children learn to copewith the problems of self-doubt. In fact, youngest children often go on tobecome quite successful, thanks in part to their originality and determinationto prove themselves to the world (Lanning, 1991). Often, they express theirunique view of the world through the visual or literary arts. People-pleasingfields, such as art, comedy, entertainment and sales are full of youngest children (Lanning, 1991). Some examples of famous youngest children include RonaldReagan (president, actor), Eddie Murphy (comedian), Paul Newman (actor), MaryLou Retton (gymnast), Billy Crystal (comedian), Yogi Bera (baseball player),Ted Kennedy (politician), and Kevin Leman (psychologist)

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Inside human brain

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Birth Order

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